Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan
TV's prominent comedians devoted the evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.
Colbert's Sarcastic Take
Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas tune about the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils each thing he handles."
The subject was the new initiative which enables international citizens to acquire U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" version for five million. An official page promises processing "in record time."
"A quick thought here to affluent applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He explained that the program is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.
"The most thorough vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique
On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"This is a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."
"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles
Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings during economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.
Recently, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.
