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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?