Those Phrases from A Dad Which Rescued Us as a New Father

"In my view I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader inability to open up among men, who still hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."